do you think you could fall in love with attention. or maybe just the idea of getting enough of it. the same way one imagines cotton candy pillows. or French toast beds. its all so sweet and sexy. i miss teenage dreams. like being with some one in the backseat of a friend’s cars. more fear and less time. I ask if you want to stay the night. we all love being asked that. we can never say yes.. that’s fantasy i always too scared to ask„, so is she.. chalk it up to being honorable. that’s what good pairs do. clear heads stay in the comfort zone. Saturday proves that. when i am safe no ones cares„„ when i break something everyone swoops’ in to save me, and tells me they hate me at the same time. i cant fall in love with attention, like picking my own switch off a tree its never fair to myself. can you see yourself in a bed of syrup with me powdered sugar suffocating us. its all so sweet and sexy„, you remember sophomore year {like my humor} pretending to know the ropes… getting dragged by the same ones. i will take the time to be curious, all of you know the magic happens in an instant. Ladies will ask, i will take them the ocean one thimble at a time. It the attention that gets them.

I could have been a contender, I think. But the holes in my shoes keep reminding I can’t. They let heavy spiders that keep me from reachig the stars. Stretching my legs to show the crowd I can be between two worlds. For this act to work I have to beleave it first. I should have been a contender, I say.

so you know that moment when you see your spouse does not trust you„ it usually a touch, or a question in front of a group.. just had that.. maybe its time to ask.. ? or force a decision?

I was walking down a plaza street today very sorry for myself due to the extremely bad night and day I have had, one of the worst in a long time. When I noticed a girl sitting in a restaurant facing the window sobbing.  She had an older woman on each side of her trying to comfort her. I could only guess they were relatives. I spent the next hour making up stories in my head of what she was so upset about..  As soon as I had forgotten about her I past a car wreck, someone had tried to make it through the light at 55^th and Brookside Blvd. They were hit from the side and there car was totaled and a person appeared to be hurt.  Both of these things I witnessed today made me think about something Elaina asked while we were camping the other night. She said “name three things you are thankful for.”  I named them and we went on to talk about something else.  The three things are not important to you, and I don’t need to name them to make this point. What is important is that fact I even have three things to be thankful for, there are people walking around right now who don’t. Who don’t even have anyone in their life to ask them what they are happy about.  My point is you do have something you are thankful for however small it is. And there is no better time to recognize it then right now.  You should go do that and I will to.

Meet nice girl at event.. wife does not like her.. Dammit!

good lord i love this!!!!!

A shoot i did for a couple i am friends with.. they look great together..

yes this is a real text between me and my wife.. I love her.. !!!

-Everything slowed down and that’s when I knew something bad was about to happen. It was the same feeling you get as a child when you know you’re about to be in trouble. I remember the first vase I broke in the grandma’s house the second my arm hit the corner of the table and the vase tipped, time just stopped. I knew it would be an eternity until it hit the floor and separated into more pieces then I could ever count. All I could do was watch it slowly get pulled to the center of the earth. Dreading the sound it would make and then my fate would be that of the vase, I would be pushed to the center of the earth. the amount of trouble I was about to be in seemed to be life threatening (or atleaset life as I knew it). -Fast forward I am 13 driving my aunts car in East Las Angels, of course I should not. but I was a good driver so on occasion I could get away with it.. then I take a turn to fast„, the air becomes so thick I feel like I won’t be able to breathe it. I knew suddenly the whole world was getting a telepathic message Jeff is wrecking a car. I went through several bushes that made me feel like I was in a Flintstones carwash before hitting a retaining wall so hard the rims of the tires came up through the floor cutting my shoes and then my feet. I did not drive for a long time after that.
-The arrow of time moves forward again, its late I am full of bright ideas or selfish intentions. I am an adult but I make my decision through 12 years of age, and in moment I am every were I didn’t want to be. Standing next to that vase, behind the wheel of the car, burning an image in my mind that I thought would never be there. What happened? I am still not sure time has not corrected itself yet„, I am still moving as if the planet started spinning in reverse. I am sure the extinction level event will reveal itself soon enough?
Only time will tell……